Sports : Jokes

John Madden was in Pittsburgh to announce a Steelers game one
weekend when he noticed a special-looking telephone at the bench.

He asked a nearby player what it was used for and was told it was
a "hotline to God". So, John asked if he could use it and the player
told him, "Sure, but it's gonna cost you $100.00."

John scratched his head, then thought, what the heck, I could use
some help picking games. He paid out the $100.00, made the call, and
sure enough, John's picks were perfect that week.

The next week, John was in Texas when he noticed that same kind of
phone on the Cowboys' bench. He asked about the telephone and was again
told it was a "Hotline to God". But this time the player said, "if you
want to use it, it will cost you $500.00."

It seemed a little Expensive, but recalling last weekend, John dug
out his wallet and made the call. Once again, John's picks were perfect
that week!

The next weekend John was in New England at Gillette Stadium when
he noticed the same kind of phone by the Patriots' bench. So, he asked
Tom Brady, "Is that the hotline to God?"

Tom said, "Sure is, but it'll cost you 25 cents to use it".

Now John looked incredibly confused and said to Brady,

"What the Hell's going-on here... I just paid $100.00 to the
Steelers in Pittsburgh and $500.00 to the Cowboys in Texas to use
the same God-Hotline... How come you guys only charge 25 cents"?

Tom looked him square in the scanners and replied:

"Cuz, here in New England, it's a Local-Call."


Go Pats!!!!!

Four old-timers were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked
how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed
and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies
and play a round.

His buddies all chimed in and said, "Let's do it! We'll make it a
priority, figure out a way and meet here early Christmas morning."

Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the
golf course.

The first guy says, "Boy this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife
such a diamond ring that she can't take her eyes off it."

Number 2 guy says, "I spent a ton, too. My wife is at home planning the
cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures."

Number 3 guy says, "Well my wife is at home admiring her new car,
reading the manual."

They all turned to the last guy in the group who is staring at them like
they have lost their minds.

"I can't believe you all went to such expense for this golf game. I
slapped my wife on the butt and said, 'Well babe, Merry Christmas ! it's
a great morning for sex or golf ' ........ and she said, 'Take a
sweater...' "

OK.... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the
Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee Titans?

THE TITS!! I WIN!

I am you humble slave and would be honoured if you could tell me how you did that?