How to steal a women : Jokes

Posted orignaly by WS6Fanatic on the hideout

STEAL ANY WOMAN FROM HER DATE.

The best way to get a quick read on the league you're playing in? Find a bar, pick a hot girl, and skillfully separate her from her slow-witted man-child. GO!

1. USE HIM AS A LEVER.
Approach him, not her, but start a conversation that she can't resist. Try this: "I need a man's opinion. Is it cool for a guy to date his ex-girlfriend's best friend?" Or, "When a girl asks if she should cut off all her hair, is she just fishing for compliments?" Questions like these are dripping with estrogen. She'll be confused why you're talking to him instead of her, and she's guaranteed to interupt.

2. IGNORE HER.
When she does try to cut in, quickly shut her down. Say something like, "How about grabbing us a couple beers, sweetheart?" Then go back to your conversation with the guy. Repeat if necessary.

3. SWITCH IT UP!
Midway through his answer, shift your gaze to her and apologize: "I'm sorry, that was rude of me. You were saying?" But this is the most important part: As you do this you must smoothly step between the girl and the guy, isolating him from the conversation. Remember how they teach you to edge someone out of the key? Use your body.

4. HOLD HER STEADY
Now say anything so long as you keep her eyes on you while he's standing outside the conversation. You only have to do it for 60 seconds to make him feel stupid enough to excuse himself to the bathroom or bar. He's coming back, but by then you'll have won the battle. And her digits.

5. TELL A STORY.
Dont ask her a bunch of questions; tell a story instead. "This reminds me of the time...blah blah blah." Be sure your tale shows how impulsive, interesting, wild, or fun you can be. If you dont have one, feel free to use your favorite movie as inspiration. "I used to be the janitor at Harvard. Anyway, there was this math problem that was supposed to be impossible to solve. I did it, though. I was just bored." When she sees through your pathetic lie, follow it up with, "Good Will Hunting? You're right. Sorry. Your boyfriend was talking to you like he thinks you're dumb, I just wanted to see if he was right." When she says, "He's not my boyfriend," you're almost home.

6. BE EXCITING.
Everyone asks if they can take her out or buy her something fancy. Your cheapskate ass has got to offer something different: an adventure. The quirkier the better. "Ever heckle circus clowns? I've got free tickets, but I hate that crap. We should get kicked out together."

7. GET THE NUMBER AND GO.
If you don't ask for it, she cant say no, so tell her she's giving it to you. "Some friends are waiting for me across town. Here, give me your number." Whip out your cell phone. It works every time. You've been fun, funny, mysterious, and charming. Now get out of there before you ruin it, and she's yours.

Chinese Sick Day

Hung Chow calls into work and says, "Hey, I no come work today, I sick,
headache, stomach ache, legs hurt, I no come work."

The boss says, "You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today. hen
I feel like this, I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes
everything better and I go to work. You try that."

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. "I do what you say, I feel great. I
be work soon.....you got nice house.