Give what you can.

Go Navy; Beat Army!

The approved 2012 Military Pay Chart for basic pay, effective January 1, 2012.
The 2013 Military Pay raise estimation based on ECI - Title 37, US Code.

Sailors, don your head gear.

The Lone Sailor is at the Ready! GO NAVY, BEAT ARMY!

GO Navy, BEAT Army!

The approved 2012 Military Pay Chart for basic pay, effective January 1, 2012.
The 2013 Military Pay raise estimation based on ECI - Title 37, US Code.

$700+ Billion Digs a Pretty Deep Hole.

The approved 2012 Military Pay Chart for basic pay, effective January 1, 2012.
The 2013 Military Pay raise estimation based on ECI - Title 37, US Code.

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My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, ‘What’s on TV?’

I said, ‘Dust.’

And then the fight started…

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My wife and I are watching “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” while we
were in bed. I turned to her and said,
“Do you want to have sex?”
“No,” she answered.
I then said, “Is that your final answer?”
She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying, “Yes.”
So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.”

And then the fight started….

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Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife’s back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, “The weather out there is terrible.”

My loving wife of 10 years replied, “Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?”

And then the fight started…

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I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn’t believe it…. He was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, “I AM NOT HAPPY!!!”

So, I looked down at him and said, “Well, then which one are you?”

And then the fight started……

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My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.’

I bought her a scale.

And then the fight started…

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When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
expensive…

so, I took her to a gas station.

And then the fight started…

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After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt’. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, ‘That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me’ and she processed my Social Security application

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, ‘You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.’

And then the fight started…

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My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, ‘Do you know her?’

‘Yes,’ I sighed, ‘She’s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.’

‘My God!’ says my wife, ‘who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?’

And then the fight started…

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I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
“I’ll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.”
He said, “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?”"
Nah, she can order for herself.”

And then the fight started…

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A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, ‘I feel
horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.’

The husband replies, ‘Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.’

And then the fight started…..

The approved 2012 Military Pay Chart for basic pay, effective January 1, 2012.
The 2013 Military Pay raise estimation based on ECI - Title 37, US Code.

Just the other day I received a friend request on Facebook from a person I hadn’t seen or heard from in over 20 years. This isn’t some long lost high school friend (although I get those too), I am talking about a friend who is from another country I met while attending a NATO school on the Italian military base Borgo Piave in the middle of nowhere outside the town of Latina, Italy.

SATCOM Classmates

The school we classed up for would keep us there for about 3 months, the classes we attended prepared us for working on NATO’s satellite ground terminals. We arrived in May 1988, the class was made up of people from many NATO countries but five of us formed a bond I recall often and do cherish the memories.

They called the five of us the Beastie Boys. Three from the United Kingdom, one each from England, Wales and Scotland, one Canadian and myself.

Arriving in May allowed us to spend the best part of the summer within 25 minutes of some great beaches. I left Italy with the best tan of my life! But, beach stories and touring Italy will have to be for another time as the first memory my friend brought back to me is the one I had filed in my subconscious – he brought the nightmare back…

Just about every night after a good meal somewhere in the town of Latina we, the Beaties Boys, would make our way to Piccadilly’s, a small pub in the center of town with a video jukebox.

The jukebox contained what has become one of my favorite songs, each time I hear it I remember the friendship and also get a craving for some vino bianco (white wine).

Our drink of choice was whatever white wine the bartender had in the bottle behind the counter. We had the bartender trained. Each time we played the song “Hotel California” by the Eagles and sung aloud the words, “So I called up the Captain, ‘Please bring me my VINO!”, he would quickly bring us a fresh bottle, some nights he would make no less than 20 trips. By the look on his face each night I guess he hadn’t had that spirit there since nineteen sixty nine! :)

Now understand we would be there for hours, we talked, we would listen to our Englishman sing pub songs and of course we played games. One game we played… well, I’ll get to it.

After a few weeks in school we decided to bring our wives over for a holiday so they could also enjoy Italy.

Once our wives arrived our routine didn’t change, in hind sight I guess it should have. Each night we would eat out and then end up at Picadilly’s. We would tell stories, sing and play games.

The rules of one game we played, slaps, included a member filling your glass with vino – most cases the vino would actually be above the glasses rim. The game was to pick the glass up and take a drink without spilling a drop. If you spilled a drop and were seen, the person who saw you was allowed to slap your face for alcohol abuse. Because each one of us would spill some at least once a night the slap was more of a tap on the cheek, nothing violent, all in fun.

My wife, Bonnie, didn’t/doesn’t drink alcoholic beverages.

My wife understood the rules of the game. I later found out she was also very eager to play. You see, she witnessed me spill a drop…

A look of pure evil came over her face, my palms started to sweat. Bonnie had her chance and she wasn’t going to waste it.

Bonnie stood in front of me (oh yea, the Beastie Boys and their wives were rooting her on), pulled her arm so far back I lost sight of it. I think somewhere up in Rome, about 45 kilometers away, they first reported the sonic boom as Bonnie’s hand made as it way though the countryside and approached my face.

Schlew-PAAAAP!

You always think it’s funny when the cartoon character gets hit and he sees stars and small birds flying around their head, until it happens to you. “How many fingers am I holding up?”, Ummm, “Thursday!”

Before I could react, Bonnie jumped into my lap and gave me a kiss. She looked at me and said, “hey, I may never get that chance again! Do you still love me?”

Of course I love her and patiently for the last 20 years I have kept a watchful eye on her drink, someday she’ll spill some and then it’s my turn :)

The approved 2012 Military Pay Chart for basic pay, effective January 1, 2012.
The 2013 Military Pay raise estimation based on ECI - Title 37, US Code.

I want a house just like the one in the invitation but, I wonder what the mortgage would be… I need to go buy a lottery ticket, Powerball – yea, that’s it, Powerball.

No idea who the original author may be – to who ever it was, great job!

The approved 2012 Military Pay Chart for basic pay, effective January 1, 2012.
The 2013 Military Pay raise estimation based on ECI - Title 37, US Code.

Santobama from TOONrefugee

With Christmas quickly coming upon us and the economy in the tank I thought this series of Christmas cartoons might be just the thing to help bring a brighter smile to your face. The artist’s use of vivid colors and detail seem to bring the pictures to life. The picture I decided to showcase here depicts President-elect Obama appropriating the bailout money :)

The series I linked to is called the 12 days of Christmas, I look forward to seeing how he mixes current events with Santa and the elves. Who knows, maybe he will have Santa and his sleigh with a tailhook attempting to hit the 3rd wire, that would be cool.

On another note, Happy Cinco De-Drinko! It was 75 years ago today that the prohibition of alcohol in the United States was lifted – it should be a national holiday!

The approved 2012 Military Pay Chart for basic pay, effective January 1, 2012.
The 2013 Military Pay raise estimation based on ECI - Title 37, US Code.

Today proved to be no different.

We planned the outing a couple of days ago. My Father, Phil (life long friend), Bob (friend visiting from Vermont) and I had a tee-time for late morning at a course I personally have never played, Pine Ridge in Beverly Hills, Florida.

Just after the first couple of holes you could feel the tension starting to rise. Frustration started to lead to anger. Everyone could see it was festering, it was reaching a boil.

Then all hell broke loose. Bob had duffed yet another shot.

First I heard a yell, “Damn it!” and then watched his 3 wood fly into the air. Like a pack of sick onlookers at the Roman Colosseum waiting for the poor slave to get butchered by the mighty gladiator we cheered, even smiled a little because we were happy it wasn’t us, yea for once, it wasn’t ME. The 3 wood flipped a couple of times in the air then landed, way out of reach from the ground, in a live oak tree. Yup, the club stayed in the tree.

Bob then took his 4 iron and threw it up in the tree with the hope of freeing the 3 wood. Nope, bad news for Bob, the 4 iron also found a perch in the tree just a few branches over from the 3 wood. Now I am sure Bob at this point is pretty aggravated, I can hear muffled sounds but can’t make them out because I am at this point laughing so hard life around me seemed to stand still. To make things worse, Bob, threw a 3rd club into the tree – yup, somehow it stayed up there too.

Golf clubs in a tree

Now things are serious. 3 golf clubs stuck in a tree and a threesome behind us wanting to play through. We convinced Bob to stop throwing his clubs in the tree and we would now help him get them down. we grabbed pieces of wood and were able to get the 3 wood down. My Dad was able to free the 3rd club by standing on top of the golf cart. After numerous failed attempts we had to give up and move on. The 4 iron, it is still in the live oak tree on the 3rd hole.

Here is a picture I took of the clubs in the tree, can you see them? Oh, I had to do it. On the 4th hole bob hit a pretty good fairway shot, I walked up to him and told him he was just a 4 iron shot from the green – he was not impressed :)

The approved 2012 Military Pay Chart for basic pay, effective January 1, 2012.
The 2013 Military Pay raise estimation based on ECI - Title 37, US Code.

BOO!

The approved 2012 Military Pay Chart for basic pay, effective January 1, 2012.
The 2013 Military Pay raise estimation based on ECI - Title 37, US Code.

In honor of the birth, the Navy removed “Sailor’s Have More Fun” and “Full Speed Ahead” from our vocabulary and quickly adopted, “Let the Journey Begin” and made most jobs “gender neutral”.

Within a few months of the birth, Clarence Thomas and others quickly found the baby cried the loudest when there was even a hint people may have been harassed in a sexual manner. Not long after the baby realized the distaste of sexual harassment – he would get real upset, even burp up lunch, in the presents of hazing or any actions considered demeaning of another.

It wasn’t until the OJ Simpson trial Tailhook out-grew his name. The trial made him more popular than ever, growing pains for the populace commenced in earnest. Political Correctness was now all grown up with a full set of teeth.

Over the past 17 years, the Tailhook Association, more importantly the Navy, and our Nation have become more sensitive and aware to the feelings of others. People overall are more tolerant and accepting. Yes, in many ways some organizations and individuals take the meanings to extremes but overall the diversity and inclusion PC brought upon us has made us stronger – we all might not like the two ton gorilla in the room, but we really can not argue with the results thus far – we even have an African American and a woman nominated by their parties for the highest offices in our country. Nicely done and Happy Birthday PC!

The approved 2012 Military Pay Chart for basic pay, effective January 1, 2012.
The 2013 Military Pay raise estimation based on ECI - Title 37, US Code.